Months ago, I wrote a story for Heart & Soul magazine about "generational wealth", the concept that your family's ability to help you financially when you're young has a huge impact on your hunt for a piece of Americana.
With lower incomes and less in the bank than other ethnic groups, black folks tend not to give our kids much of a head start. But I never thought about how much that can be attributed to cultural differences until last weekend, when I went to a wedding reception for a 20-something Cambodian couple.
The reception was an hour's drive outside Boston, even though the couple lives in the city. I understood why once I got there. The location, along with everything else about the event, was set up to keep the young couple from having to spend money and to put some get-on-your-feet cash in their pockets.
The restaurant was owned by a family friend, who ate the cost of feeding and liquoring up what had to be 200 people. And gifts be damned: there were envelopes -- the kind you get in church -- at every table. The couple went from table to table, collecting their offerings and saying thanks for the cash stuffed in them.
I couldn't help but think that had I been at a black wedding, there'd be no envelopes and the couple likely would have paid for the whole thing, on their own, on credit.
The experience took me back to my interviews for the Heart & Soul story, in which young, black professional women recalled how they first realized that their families lacked either the means or a plan to help them get on their feet. For some, it was when they saw their white law school classmates get downpayments on expensive homes from parents, while they scrimped and saved for years to buy smaller ones. For others, it was the weddings their colleagues didn't have to pay for out of pocket.
That's where the cultural part comes in. The people at the reception were not wealthy, at least not outlandishly so. They weren't white, and many didn't speak English as a primary language. But they understood that as a community they could do something to help their own stave off debt and get a decent start to their lives. In that instant, they diverged from many blacks by starting a young couple's nest egg for them.
This is something most black folks just don't do, and not because we can't, but simply because this is not how we've been socialized to act.
Call me cynical; I say I'm a realist. I know how we do. And I know that until black folks start doing more to ensure their kids get a decent economic start to their adult lives, we'll continue to lag behind others in this country.
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7 comments:
I agree 100%!
Using your same example, I wonder how many black couples would take the money and use it as a downpayment on a home and how many would take the money to go on a lavish honeymoon or furnish their apartments. Not only are we not giving our next generation a head start, but we're also not TEACHING our next generation what to do if they were given a head start.
Love this blog!
You're right about the cultural differences. People often comment on how immigrants are able to come here, get on their feet, and eventually thrive while Black America is generally stagnant -- it's due to socialization. We have capitalist and middle class values but we have underclass money. Immigrants have not been indoctrinated into that mentality...and they lived on much less in their countries than they do here and they don't have those middle class standards.
Oh yeah back to my point. It's thought of as 'tacky' to ask for cash as a wedding gift (middle class value). Not only that but people judge you based on what kind of wedding you have. Neither of those issues are conducive to people who aren't making the big bucks (yet) but are trying to get on the road to financial freedom.
The answer is to disregard what others may think and make smart money decisions.
Wow! I think you've hit on a very very important point. I could write a book on this topic. I'm a black man, from an economically-disadvantaged background, but educated at Ivy League institutions and married to someone from an entirely different background. The contrasts between the money culture of my wife & school friends vs. my family could not be more stark.
Of course, one could make the point that I'm comparing apples and oranges - some families just have more money, but that's not the whole story. Even the middle-class blacks in the small city I grew up in were generally more concerned with the outward appearance of success: postal workers and school teachers driving BMW's and Jaguars and wearing designer clothes (back when these things really were way more expensive than the regular stuff).
I well understand the psychological need for outward vindication, but culturally, this puts a lot of our people at a huge disadvantage. Our families are pouring money into clothes and depreciable assets like cars, instead of retirement accounts. I even remember regular black people having putting on debutante balls that must have cost as much as weddings. This is craziness. Those same people certainly did not have fully-funded accounts for their kids' college educations.
I know I'm generalizing and judging, but so are you. But, we both know that in general our culture simply does not value thrift, saving, education, and self-sufficiency the way we need it to. And while most kids look up to celebrities and sports figures, their over-the-top lifestyle choices seem to have a disproportionate impact on our culture.
I've had to work very hard to overcome these cultural money issues. I think I've largely accomplished that. And because of that self-discipline (and a lot of hard work) I can now well afford most of the luxuries that most people aspire to acquire. But, I try to keep it in check.
As a black man who has "made it", I feel I have a responsibility to set an example. And the last thing I want to do is set a bad personal finance example thru conspicuous consumption.
I speak here for the immigrants. Not having middle class standards? not sure what that means.
In my experience the immigrants are focussed on building a nest egg and they are also concerned with feeding mouths back home. As opposed to driving cars and wearing clothes they can not afford, or rather have chosen to eliminate from their bugets.
My exposure to black Americans who have capitalist and m/c values have the spending habits of the underclass!
"Let me show people what I ain't got."
White people think a little differently.
I have lost count of the times black people have asked me where my 'real' car is? Why I live on a budget and suggest I use my couchie to 'help' pay for my expenses.
There needs to be a greater investement in our futures. It pains me cos I have chosen not to live in a bigger apt or drive a hot car.
My parents sacraficed and sent us to the best private schools and most of us attended premier International Ivy leauges, only because they believed the investment in us was worth it.
With in their budget we had a travel allowance and I sacraficed clothes and gadgets to be able to see the four corners of the world.
I am a child of immigrants with solid M/C values. Who is more concerned about how I am gonna have homes on multiple continents, how I can generate incomes in pound sterling and U.S. Dollars.
Any ideas would be welcome!
Well I'll first say that I don't know why people who have immigrant parents say they don't know what "middle-class." Check the census bureau.
Anyway, my parents were big on saving for our future. But I constantly heard him complain about how his friends were messing over their kids by not saving. What do you do but make sure that your kids know the deal and do right by them?
Hah?
Would be more helpful if you read everyones comments.
I was responding to this:
"...and they lived on much less in their countries than they do here and they don't have those middle class standards."
This is American rhetoric the same BS sterotypes you see on the news. In addition, not all immigrants are from developing countries.
I was questioning the validity of the statement that was made about immigrants not have M/C standards!
My parents were not immigrants to this country. Much to their disapointment, I am.
"As opposed to driving cars and wearing clothes they can not afford, or rather have chosen to eliminate from their bugets."
That's precisely what I mean by middle class values. Generally, immigrants don't come here worried about keeping up with the Jones's and out-of-control consummerism. "Keeping up with the Jones's" is a middle class ideal --NOT a good thing at all.
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